I remember buying this thing when it was held together with a piece of construction paper and a staple. Yipping like a kobold was such a big part of my game playing when I was younger it may be why I have kobolds (though not these kobolds(tm)) in Critical!: Go Westerly. Because I think they can be kind of intrinsically funny even if we went in the complete opposite direction of KAMB.
If you've never heard of it, this game was on of the first "Beer and Pretzels" games where you played Kobolds who were attacking a nearby village for food to prepare for the feast that King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) was going to prepare this evening. The best food for kobolds, human babies! So you were to go forth and find things that were delicious and bring them back.
With that in mind, it's time to make a Kobold who will go forth and get food for the feast for King Torg (All Hail King Torg!)
Step 1 roll for stats. Roll 2d6 for the four stats. Brawn, Ego, Extraneous, Reflexes, or as they call it the BEER system.
Brawn is for how big, mean, and tough your kobold is. Ego is how smart your kobold is. Reflexes are how agile, dexterous, and flexible your kobold is. Extraneous is the roleplaying stuff, I guess.
Using random.org I roll 2d6 four times. There's a stat array but ... this game is meant to be ridiculous so wild random stats are part of that. I have a 6, 5, 9, 8 which is applied to them in order. Which makes it Brawn 6, Ego 5, Extraneous 9 and Reflexes 8. I ... don't think I would have picked it another way. These stats turn into the Handy Numbers which gives me a MEAT of 2, a CUNNING of 2, a LUCK of 3, and a AGILITY of 2.
Now onto the Skills! You only ever get a maximum of six skills. I have to at least take one skill from every stat range before I take a second one. Technically, I can only have as many skills as I have ego, which would mean five but there is a way to honour the ancient kobold hatred of math by giving my 7 skills. I'll take it! There are everykoboldskills that I can take. I don't have to, but everyone I don't take gives me a cheque on the horrible kobold death record chart.
Thankfully there's only one and that's cook.
Also, if I start to min max, like using the seventh skill for my 5 ego, then that's a cheque! Also, if I find myself trying to overthink this that's a cheque, and if ... you get the point.
I think I'll stick to six, because I can. So here's my list:
Cook
Lift
Speak Human
Hide
Speak Critter
Sneak
I like the idea of being the one that sneaks around trying to get the humans to fight so I can take the tasty, tasty things. Also, no Dangerous Skills for me because that's not for sneaking.
There are +Edges and -Bogies that you get like +Bark Like a Kobold where if you bark like a kobold in game then you get a bonus die. +Kobold Senses which means you can see well in the dark and work off of an amazing sense of smell. -Fearless which means you're not afraid even when you should be. -Tastes Like Kobold, which means if you take damage all critters will love to take more bites out of you. Any non humanoids have to make a check or even the cows will start to stampede to get to your little kobold. Beyond those, you get one random +Edge and -Bogie. Rolling I get a 1 and a 5.
+Animal Chum which means that animals like me and they won't attack me unless I attack them.
-In Heat. *sigh* I was having so much fun up to this point too. I guess it's a thing? Basically dogs follow you around and you have to roll to prevent yourself from "humping" human legs. I just ... really? I'm going to keep it because I rolled it but this could have been better.
Now that I think about it, it was probably there in the original too and I was just 15 so I thought it was funny.
*sigh*
Moving on. No magick for me since I'm not a Lackey! Which means straight onto gear.
Continuing onto my cowardly theme, I'm not going to roll for any dangerous stuff. I'm just going to get regular gear.
1, 5, 5
1 Armor gets me Small Shield! which can take 4 hits but has the drawback of -Item which means it takes up a slot in my paw, which means I'm only going to take a weapon and with a 5 it's a Dead Rat which is -Foul Smelling which means my kobold is foul smelling while I hold it, and I will hold it for such a long time. We're friends.
I have 6 hits because I don't have any Edges that will work, plus the 4 from the shield.
Now I just need to come up with a name. I figure I'll go with Klath, Destroyer of Tastebuds which has to be used at all opportunities.
Anyway, it was a lot shorter, amusing until that speedbump and the character sheet is below.
If you've never heard of it, this game was on of the first "Beer and Pretzels" games where you played Kobolds who were attacking a nearby village for food to prepare for the feast that King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) was going to prepare this evening. The best food for kobolds, human babies! So you were to go forth and find things that were delicious and bring them back.
With that in mind, it's time to make a Kobold who will go forth and get food for the feast for King Torg (All Hail King Torg!)
Step 1 roll for stats. Roll 2d6 for the four stats. Brawn, Ego, Extraneous, Reflexes, or as they call it the BEER system.
Brawn is for how big, mean, and tough your kobold is. Ego is how smart your kobold is. Reflexes are how agile, dexterous, and flexible your kobold is. Extraneous is the roleplaying stuff, I guess.
Using random.org I roll 2d6 four times. There's a stat array but ... this game is meant to be ridiculous so wild random stats are part of that. I have a 6, 5, 9, 8 which is applied to them in order. Which makes it Brawn 6, Ego 5, Extraneous 9 and Reflexes 8. I ... don't think I would have picked it another way. These stats turn into the Handy Numbers which gives me a MEAT of 2, a CUNNING of 2, a LUCK of 3, and a AGILITY of 2.
Now onto the Skills! You only ever get a maximum of six skills. I have to at least take one skill from every stat range before I take a second one. Technically, I can only have as many skills as I have ego, which would mean five but there is a way to honour the ancient kobold hatred of math by giving my 7 skills. I'll take it! There are everykoboldskills that I can take. I don't have to, but everyone I don't take gives me a cheque on the horrible kobold death record chart.
Thankfully there's only one and that's cook.
Also, if I start to min max, like using the seventh skill for my 5 ego, then that's a cheque! Also, if I find myself trying to overthink this that's a cheque, and if ... you get the point.
I think I'll stick to six, because I can. So here's my list:
Cook
Lift
Speak Human
Hide
Speak Critter
Sneak
I like the idea of being the one that sneaks around trying to get the humans to fight so I can take the tasty, tasty things. Also, no Dangerous Skills for me because that's not for sneaking.
There are +Edges and -Bogies that you get like +Bark Like a Kobold where if you bark like a kobold in game then you get a bonus die. +Kobold Senses which means you can see well in the dark and work off of an amazing sense of smell. -Fearless which means you're not afraid even when you should be. -Tastes Like Kobold, which means if you take damage all critters will love to take more bites out of you. Any non humanoids have to make a check or even the cows will start to stampede to get to your little kobold. Beyond those, you get one random +Edge and -Bogie. Rolling I get a 1 and a 5.
+Animal Chum which means that animals like me and they won't attack me unless I attack them.
-In Heat. *sigh* I was having so much fun up to this point too. I guess it's a thing? Basically dogs follow you around and you have to roll to prevent yourself from "humping" human legs. I just ... really? I'm going to keep it because I rolled it but this could have been better.
Now that I think about it, it was probably there in the original too and I was just 15 so I thought it was funny.
*sigh*
Moving on. No magick for me since I'm not a Lackey! Which means straight onto gear.
Continuing onto my cowardly theme, I'm not going to roll for any dangerous stuff. I'm just going to get regular gear.
1, 5, 5
1 Armor gets me Small Shield! which can take 4 hits but has the drawback of -Item which means it takes up a slot in my paw, which means I'm only going to take a weapon and with a 5 it's a Dead Rat which is -Foul Smelling which means my kobold is foul smelling while I hold it, and I will hold it for such a long time. We're friends.
I have 6 hits because I don't have any Edges that will work, plus the 4 from the shield.
Now I just need to come up with a name. I figure I'll go with Klath, Destroyer of Tastebuds which has to be used at all opportunities.
Anyway, it was a lot shorter, amusing until that speedbump and the character sheet is below.
INDIE PRESS REVOLUTION
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