Monster: The Noun - Stats

Wow. This one. I was debating putting this out because there are something that amuse the hell out of me in this section. Really the physical stats are what do it for me, I have dealt with some of those people in real life.

The problematic section, for me, was using the term Bitch because it's got a whole host of problems but I couldn't think of anything else. I'd ask for suggestions but there's a reason why this project is dead.

Monster: The Stats

Stats are what make your monster unique, just like every other monster with the same stats.   The other benefit to having all the numbers is that you can easily decide if your character can do something over the SM’s decisions.  They are the starting point at which you can argue using those famous words, “Yes, my character can do that!”  Do not stray from these numbers as they are the foundation of anything you will do in this game. 

In order to build your character, from the very either itself, you must understand with how these creatures are built.  They can be broken down into three distinct characteristics.  There have Physical natures, Mental natures and Social natures.  Each nature has been broken up into three distinct categories.  These categories may be a little bit different from what you are normally used to, but they will have an explanation so that you can understand what they do.

You must decide now, oh great and noble creator of life, on which of those categories is the most important to you.  When you have decided which of the three — Physical, Mental or Social — natures is what makes this character special that becomes your Awesome Nature.  The next step is to decide what is the least important nature, what you think this character can really do without out of the two that remain.  This becomes your Horrible Nature.  Once that’s been decided the remaining nature is your Whatever Nature as you clearly don’t think that it really worth thinking about too much.

Each group receives a different amount of points to spend towards improving the categories within those natures.  Your Awesome Nature gets a total of 5 points to spend towards your categories.  Your Horrible Nature gets 10 points to spend towards this least important group of categories.  Your Whatever Nature gets an indifferent 7 points to spend towards this nature’s categories, if you can be bother to do so.

This may go against the grain of typical games, but we do believe that this way is the better.   It will be made clear shortly.

Social Nature

Monsters have strong personalities and great egos and this is the nature where that is the most apparent, as such we will begin here in the Social Nature.  These are the categories that will help you when you interact with people, other monsters and even your SM.  Remember, you should never actually try to talk your way out of a situation when rolling a die will do it for you and tie your SMs hands with the result.

Bitch (Commonly Called - Charisma)

This Category represents your ability to complain and get angry at people in order to get them to do what you want them to do.  The meaner and nastier you are, the more thing get done because the world is cruel and only those who step on others can survive it.

At 1 Triangle you are incredibly nice to people and will go out of your way to help them out.  You’re pleasant and people genuinely like you. 

At 2 Triangles you’re a little still pleasant but no where near the saint that the person with a score of one is. You may not give a homeless person the shirt off your back, but you will help kittens cross the street and feed little old ladies abandoned at the side of the road.

At 3 Triangles you’re hold the average bitchiness score.  You have your good days, and your bad though you tend to lean towards the bad.

At 4 Triangles, someone has pissed in your cheerios and people are going to pay. You get mad at things when they don’t go your way, and when you’re really on point you’ll verbally dress down anyone in your way, because you can.

At 5 Triangles there is probably a movie about you and your friends out there, or someone is waiting to finish therapy before they put it to pen and paper.  You’re the King of Cat Fight, The Sultan of the Put Down, and people would rather do what you want then have you get angry at them for disobeying you.  When you lash people with the broadside of your tongue other people cringe, they know how much it cuts.

Whine (Commonly Called Manipulation)

Getting people to do what you want can be done in a lot of different ways.  You know that true path in getting people to do what you want is to just whine and complain at people for as long as it takes to get what you want.  You have practiced so  much that you can whine harder, faster and stronger than anyone you know.  You understand that the trick to a good whine is to be as loud and as nasal as you can be.  The more you use those powers, the more of what you want happens.

At 1 Triangle you’re the type of person who takes responsibility for things.  You understand that not everything will go your way and you’ve got the ability to keep striving forward regardless of what happens.

At 2 Triangles you can get upset when things don’t go your way but you’re a big person and understand that this will happen.  Your sniffles don’t last long and when they’re done your quite able to move beyond them and what went wrong.

At 3 Triangles you’re the type of person who’ll whine when bad things happen to you, but in normal understandable levels.  Stubbing your toe, to getting sick, to doing bad on a test will cause the whine to come out but it’s never too long.

At 4 Triangles you’ll whine at big things and little things.  A whine will escape your lips if the weather is bad, if your food isn’t all that good and if a song you don’t like plays on the radio.  Your friends will roll their eyes at you, but you think it gives you character.

At 5 Triangles you’ll whine at the drop of a hat.  Anything will set you off, I mean anything.  Something happens on TV and you’ll whine about it.  Your favourite character in a book dies and you’ll whine about it for days.  No one can match you at whining and it annoys the hell out of everyone else. 

Moan (Commonly Called Appearance)

There are people who can put on a paper bag and make it work for them.  Most people are jealous of these “paper bag” people, but respectful because they know that it’s just something people have that allows them to do that.  Then there are those that moan about anything and everything about their appearance.  Their looks are fading, they’re gaining too much weight, they looked better in high school and they don’t know what happened.  The sit there and wait for your to respond with the socially acceptable response of “Of course not!” and when that doesn’t show up fast enough they moan about that.

At 1 Triangle you’re the gorgeous type that will get stares at no matter what you’re wearing.  Despite this ability to look good in anything, you do try to stay abreast of fashion trends and try to be at the front of that wave and usually succeed.  Even when you fail, you’re still breathtaking in what you wear.

At 2 Triangles you’re still beautiful, but not inhumanly so.  You turn heads and have many moments in the sun, walking on the beach in your less the covering bathing suit.  You bemoan you looks on occasion, but only when you’re really having a bad day or you weren’t able to make it down to the gym.

At 3 Triangles you’re just like everyone else.  You have your good days, and your bad days, and the days where you just feel that life is over.  You sag, but in the general kind of way.

At 4 Triangles, you like to bemoan the loss of your looks.  And you should, because they’re going.  You tend to sag a little bit here and there and you could use some time at the gym but not to hear you tell of it.  You were once the brightest star, the sexiest machine that ever lived and you’re still riding the energy from that star.

At 5 Triangles, you are the aging Rock Star that has been on one too many drug induced alcoholic benders.  You’ve got wrinkles in places that comic book characters normally have muscles.  You moan continually about the lack of respect you get for your looks of yesterday and how people should sleep with you based on reputation alone. 

Mental Nature

Monsters like to think that they’re some of the smartest creatures in existence.  They like to lord it over others and say obscure things like, “I’m understanding what you’re saying, but certainly THAC0 provides a greater scope and understanding of actual combat.  You see, I did some calculations” or “You know that the fastest way to kill someone is to stick a knife in between the third and fourth ribs on the left side.  It’s true, I read it in a book somewhere.”  Whatever these statement truly means, the categories in this Nature will help you decipher them.

Lamentation (Commonly Called Intelligence)

There are those who can think, and analyze anything you put in front of them.  All subjects,  from the empirical maths to the subjective humanities, come really easily to them.  Tests are a joke and can be passed with little or no studying.  Answers in classrooms or on the job are toss offhand, as if everyone should know that.  Many people want to have that type of memory, others want to kill them for making them look bad.  If you truly wish to be the biggest know it all, this is the stat to use.

At 1 Triangle, you are at the top of the class.  You know things on topics that other people didn’t know existed and can recite pi to fifty places.  If nerds had a god, you would be it.

At 2 Triangles, you are rather smart.  You’re the friend that people turn to when looking for that difficult crossword puzzle answer, or the answer to that problem that’s been bugging them all day.  You tend to regret those answers you don’t know, but it doesn’t slow you down much … heck, you can always find out through your ability to research nearly anything.

At 3 Triangles,  you’ve got average smarts  You did well in school, but no one would mistake you for a doctorial candidate.  You do have a nasty habit of complaining about how smart some people are and how you wish you knew more things.

At 4 Triangles, you’re not all that bright, a fact you lament all the time.  You talk about how you’re going to get yourself an education, but something always comes up.  Work, friends, napping, food, sex, sleep, that concert, sleep are all reasons why you seem to avoid educating yourself.  That really doesn’t bother you, everyone’s going to know that you’re an intellectual superstar, even if you can’t spell it.

At 5 Triangles, you’re lamenting your constant use of drugs and alcohol that has made your mind the murky swamp it is today.  You’re the person they use on those posters to tell people what can happen if you end up going overboard on anything.  It’s how you make your money, but someday you’re going to pick up that pencil and finish half of that crossword puzzle.  That day, you’re going to celebrate. 

Keening (Commonly Called Perception)

Monsters pride themselves on their strong eyesight and ability to pick out what is happening in the world around them.  Sometimes though, they need a little help and things pointed out to them.  Be careful, if you do point things out to a monster they will keen on about how they can’t believe that they missed something so awesome, or so obvious.

At 1 Triangle, nothing slips past you.  You consider yourself among the ranks of Inspector Hercule, or a little known fellow named Sherlock Holmes and nobody disagrees with you. You’re one of the worst people to go to movies with because you notice everything and you finish mystery novels half way through.

At 2 Triangles, you’re pretty perceptive.  You like pointing out how magicians do their tricks and things you friends have missed in puzzles and games.  Now and again people get things by you, but not too often.

At 3 Triangles, you’re pretty much average.  You’ve got some days when you notice everything, and others when a car can slip past you.  Don’t sweat it too much, though it does suck when you miss the joke.

At 4 Triangles, you tend to need to have people point things out to you.  What happening in movies, friends birthday parties, and other small things like fireworks.  It bugs you a lot and you’re not afraid to let people know about it.

At 5 Triangles, you tend to have a hard time noticing anything.  You don’t notice the little things like family members, stop lights, instructions, explosions and vehicles at crosswalks.  You’re missing out on life and you complain like nobody else about it.  After all, why should you be the only one missing out on all the fun.

Sorrowing (Commonly Called Wits)

The world works in a particular way that can’t be taught in books.  There’s this ebb and flow to people and how they interact and some  people just manage to navigate this effortlessly.  That’s a good thing because these waters can be treacherous and you will need your wits about you if you are to succeed.  If you don’t, the resulting storm that happens can cause you to fall into a massive pit of sorrow and flail about in pain from the consequences of those actions.

At 1 Triangle, you know people and you know what makes them tick.  You just have this worldly sense about you that could be considered otherwordly.  You deal with situations with the such grace and style you’re probably a diplomat.  Usually nothing bad ever happens when you’re brought in to handle a situation.  You should try for world peace.

At 2 Triangles, you’re pretty good at navigating the rocky world of people and personal problems.  You occasionally blunder things up, but you obviously know what you’re doing.  Besides, everybody messes up sometimes but your screw up seems to be less catastrophic than any one else’s.  They lead to small arguments rather than huge explosions.

At 3 Triangles, you tend to win some and lose some.  You’re pretty average when it comes to dealing with people.  You’re that friend that your clueless friends tend to ask about life, thankfully you usually have enough sense to send them to someone else.  If you do leave a nugget of wisdom, you tend to be right as often as you are wrong.  

At 4 Triangles, you tend to think you know how the world works, except that your brain doesn’t work quite right.  You believe people on face value and jump at anything that comes your way because it’s the next best thing.  Sometimes you wonder if what you’re doing is a good idea on the way down the rabbit hole, but not too frequently.  When things don’t work out, they tend fail pretty badly and you tend to get really depressed about that.

At 5 Triangles, you like to think that you can handle the world when the reality is that the world has a hard time handling you.  You constantly try to play matchmaker and fail miserably.  Any advice you’ve given has started wars between friends and broken up families and started wars between city states.  All this horribleness leaves you feeling really, really down.  It can’t all be your fault, can it?

Physical Nature

Monsters are walking, breathing, jumping, fighting creatures.  They have physical bodies that need defining and the Physical Nature is where this is done.  Bodies are honed and shaped into their ultimate form.  Any stats done well here can be used to describe how fit, how amazing and how much better your character is to all the others.

Cry (Commonly Called Dexterity)

Monsters are wonderful creatures known for their grace and beauty, the kind that rivals athletes, dancers and actors.  It is the perfect combination of style, form and grace that takes your breath away.  Then there are those who can’t seem to manage to walk across a room without managing to stub their toe, knock over an expensive vase and fall down to the ground.  This will start the tears flowing and they will never really stop.

At 1 Triangle, you can move with the best of them.  World level athletes, all star actors work on this level.  You can weave and out of physical situations without anyone the wiser.  You can dodge traffic without a hair out of place and people stop when you move by.

At 2 Triangles, you’re quite graceful.  Very rarely do you trip over anything, even when people are trying to do their best to cause you to fall.  People don’t pay to see you do what you move, but you move better than most people and you rarely run into things.  When life literally throws things you, you can get out of the way.

At 3 Triangles, you’re pretty average.  Like everyone you’ll make an amazing grab for that jar of pickles that was going to hit the ground only to trip over the dog you didn’t see and spill them anyway.

At 4 Triangles, you’re kind of klutzy.  You run into things that are in your way and a few that aren’t always right in front of you when walking down the street.  You’re not picked last for organized sports, but you do make it into the best of a bad lot category.  When you hit your shins, which is frequently, you tend to cry about it to anyone who will listen.

At 5 Triangles, you have a hard time standing upright.  You fall over all the time, usually bringing down two or three people with you when decide that it’s time to dive.  You are always the last one picked for sports and the first one out when playing musical chairs.  It’s too much for the average person or monster to bear and it makes you cry all the time, “Why can’t anybody trust me with their nice things!  I’m good at taking care of them!”

Holler (Commonly Called Strength)

Sheer raw power is a sight to be behold.  Muscles bulging, and hot heavy sweat pouring down exerting bodies delights the eyes as well as the heart, and possibly the mouth.    Some succeed in this by pushing their endurance, going further than others which adds to their impressive physique.  They cry out with every single extra lift and every extra push.  Then there are those that think they have all this musculature but in reality they’re really just covered in sweat, pouring down and staining their t-shirt.  They are particularly good at displaying the trappings of physical labour.

At 1 Triangle, you are amazingly strong.  You are able to lift many things that other people don’t even think they can try.  There are some rumours flying about that steroids were involve in your muscle mass, but no one is going to say that to your face because you might mangle theirs.  You make the hollering noise that most people make when you lift stuff, but it’s understandable because you’re living heavy things. 

At 2 Triangles, you are a pretty strong person.  You’re the friend everyone calls when it’s time to move and you just view it as exercise.  It’s the type of strength that will help you in life without getting in the way, and the hollering noise you make is still well within normal operating procedures.  After all, you’re still lifting and heaving things.

At 3 Triangles, you’re not bad in the strength department.  You can lift all the normal things without complaint, and can help others when you need to move big objects but that’s the extent of it.   You wouldn’t be mistaken for a body builder and most people don’t ask you to take off your top at the beach.  When you lift things, depending on how heavy it is, your holler noise is either incredibly appropriate (for light things) or not so appropriate (for heavy things)

At 4 Triangles, you’re the person who people will only call as a last resort when moving.  It isn’t that you can’t life stuff — because you can, even if it is a huge chore — but the noise you make when lifting anything is big enough to convince people that you’re lifting a TV, or maybe a wall safe.

At 5 Triangles, you over exaggerate the weight of absolutely everything with such a holler that everyone thinks you are dying or trying to lift a mountain.  You can usually hear it around the corner, or down the street.  Whatever it is, it’s loud and rather obnoxious in that causing concern kind of way.  You do get exasperated looks from your friends because they tend to know what you’re lifting and how heavy it actually is.

Wail (Commonly Called Endurance)

Monsters are constantly pushing themselves pass the limits of their body.  They are staying up all night working on that final paper, or playing a video game.  These Monsters are eating pizza all day, every day and only resort to things like canned food in times of dire need.  Certainly there are those who can withstand intense head and cold, or handle great feats of strength and endurance.

At 1 Triangle, you’ve run several marathons in the same day.  You are a constant participant in the Ironman race every year and you are a top finisher almost every year. You never seem to stop and people are amazed at your ability to find all that energy.

At 2 Triangles, you have the ability to go the distance in everything you do.  Hardship is something you work through so frequently that you only don’t wail about it at all.  You’ll utter the odd complaint about your situation but you don’t go on about it.  However, you might want to consider it a little bit more, it will help you get out all that pent up frustration.

At 3 Triangles, you’re the everyday individual  who goes about their  business enduring the day as best they can.  There are those that try to get through without that one extra cup of coffee, or that one last piece of cake but in the end it all seems to be justified.  You wail about your problems with your friends and co-workers, but that’s okay because they do it too.

At 4 Triangles, you tend to have a hard time making it through the day.  You always succumb to that last bit of need of something to make it through the day.  Coffee, Sugar, Caffeine, Recreational drugs.  You do what you can to make it in this dark, cruel world and you aren’t afraid to wail about it to any random person you meet on the street.  Your tendency to accost strangers with the poor details of your life makes your friends happy because it means you’re not wailing at them.

At 5 Triangles, you have a hard time getting into the shower, let alone through the day.  Basic acts of self-preservation seem to be too much to do unless you can manage to wail and complain at someone, anyone.  It doesn’t even have to be a person.  You’ve wailed at your walls for hours for having to do your dishes, and yelled at the carpets because you had to vacuum them.

With these explanations of all the Natures and Categories, you can flesh out your character.  Luckily you are provided with at least one triangle within each category.  You are provided with an extra 9 points without having to do anything special for them.

Once you have completed this task, you may now move onto the skills section.